THE MIDDLE SEAT MANIFESTO: A SURVIVOR'S GUIDE
Flying in the middle seat doesn’t have to be miserable. With strategic planning and a little bit of confidence, you can transform your experience from suffering to success. Read on for the ultimate survival guide to middle seat mastery.
Captain Cutiepie at your service
(A Guide from Someone Who's Been Flying Since the Womb)
Listen up, fellow air travelers. When your mother is a flight attendant for 50 years and your grandfather helped train the first Boeing 747 pilots, you learn a thing or two about surviving the skies. I've been flying standby since before I had teeth, which means I've spent approximately half my life wedged in the middle seat. It's like being the middle child of air travel - not the favorite, but definitely the most resourceful.
I've mastered the art of maintaining dignity at 35,000 feet while sandwiched between strangers. I've survived the great recline wars of the early 2000s, navigated the emotional turbulence of post-9/11 travel, and developed a sixth sense for identifying which airport bathrooms are secretly luxurious. By the time I was making a documentary about my flight attendant mother's journey from girdle checks to sobriety in the sky, I had earned a PhD in middle seat survival.
So whether you're a frequent flyer or an occasional traveler, these rules will help you transform your middle seat experience from a test of endurance into an art form. Because sometimes the only difference between suffering and success is knowing how to assert dominance over both armrests.
Welcome to The Middle Seat Manifesto. Fasten your seatbelts - dignity and survival tips are coming in hot.
RULE 1: THE ARMREST DOCTRIne
The middle seat’s rightful throne
Let's establish the fundamental truth of air travel: both armrests belong to the middle seat passenger. This isn't entitlement; it's cosmic justice. Window seat gets the view, aisle seat gets the freedom, middle seat gets both armrests. This is the natural order of things, as sacred as airline coffee is terrible.
Establish your armrest dominion immediately upon sitting. No apologies, no hesitation. Just quiet, confident ownership, like someone who's been practicing armrest diplomacy since their mother was doing breathalyzer tests at cruising altitude.
RULE 2: PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SEAT RECLINE DEFENSE
Have that laptop ready
When the person in front of you decides to recline their seat into your personal space, deploy the laptop defense. Every 30 seconds, let your laptop make gentle contact with their seat back. Think of it as a subtle reminder of human decency.
This isn't aggression - it's a quiet conversation between your MacBook and their poor life choices. They'll either get the message or assume there's turbulence. Either way, you've made your point without saying a word.
RULE 3: OLFACTORY MASTERY
the essential oils will have you feeling like this lady ight here
After years of standby middle seats, I've developed the ability to shut off my sense of smell on command. It's like a superpower, but instead of fighting crime, I'm fighting the guy who thought bringing a tuna sandwich on a 7am flight was acceptable behavior.
If you haven't mastered this skill yet, strategic breathing techniques and a good eye mask (which doubles as a nose mask in emergencies) can save your sanity. Remember: what happens in row 14 stays in row 14, especially smells.
Pro tip: Always travel with an arsenal of your own scents. A tiny bottle of lavender oil can be the difference between maintaining dignity and having an existential crisis at cruising altitude.
RULE 4: THE EXIT STRATEGY
You can be in the aisle before anyone else hears the seatbelt sign chime.
The moment that seatbelt sign dings, you transform from middle seat survivor into escape artist. Your previous three hours of dignified suffering have earned you this moment. Stand up immediately - not aggressively, but with the quiet confidence of someone who's been training for this moment their entire life.
Move with purpose, but maintain dignity. This isn't a sprint; it's a choreographed dance you've been rehearsing since your first middle seat assignment. The aisle now belongs to you. Use it wisely.
RULE 5: BATHROOM INTELLIGENCE
Family Changing Rooms
After decades of flying standby, I've mastered the art of airport bathroom reconnaissance. Here's the truth that frequent flyers don't want you to know: family bathrooms are the hidden gems of airport facilities. Clean, spacious, and mysteriously empty - they're the VIP lounges of airport bathrooms, minus the pretension.
Pro tip: Time your airplane bathroom visits like a professional. Movie time = bathroom time. When the drink cart is out = stay put. It's all about strategic timing.
These bathrooms
when you find them, they will not seem real.
BONUS TIP: THE FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE: UNDER-SEAT SUPREMACY
You must have a permanent go bag
The truly enlightened traveler knows that overhead bin warfare is for amateurs. It's like going to therapy when you could just write blogs about life as a standby passenger.
The secret is a perfectly packed personal item that fits under the seat in front of you. Think Mary Poppins' carpet bag, but with more compression socks and less magical furniture.
THE ESSENTIALS:
One change of clothes rolled tighter than my grandfather's military corners
Toiletries smaller than my patience for rudeness to fight crew
Electronics more organized than Joan River's punchline file cabinet
Snacks more discrete than Lindsay Graham’s Grindr profile
A book thinner than my chances of getting upgraded
This isn't just travel advice - it's a philosophy. While everyone else is performing their overhead bin ballet, you're sitting in 14B, cool as a cucumber, with everything you need within arm's reach. It's like being the one person at a family reunion who didn't bring emotional baggage.
Everyone will be envious of your middle seat
Wrapping Up the Holidays and Soaring into New Beginnings: A Sneak Peek into Our Next Big Adventure (Copy)
A 747 taking an emergency landing on a Pacific Northwest highway—with Santa making a cameo! Stay tuned for more high-flying surprises.
Directing the naughty list—filmmaker vibes activated!I was in charge of the naughty list this year
Hey everyone!
I hope your holiday season was filled with joy, cozy moments, and maybe even a few too many cookies. While you were perfecting the art of sipping hot cocoa without burning your tongue, I was busy wading waist-deep in the wonderful—and occasionally treacherous—world of Mocha masks. I’ve been up to my neck in Mocha masks and color correction this winter, learning that even the best of us have our lighting fails. But trust me—every misstep is just a setup for an epic comeback."Yes, I learned the hard way that “It’ll look cool in a moody, indie way” quickly translates to “We’ll fix it in post,” and trust me, even the best editors wince at that one!
Robyn's festive layover: A North Pole flight attendant moment
Holiday Highs (and Post-Production Fails)
This past winter was a mixed bag. On the bright side, I landed an acting gig and even got a callback—talk about starting the new year with a win! On the documentary front, Golden Wings had a fantastic run at NewsFest in November, a true high point in our journey. But, oh, those lighting choices during my mom’s interviews! It turns out that relying on a single lamp and some fairy lights isn't quite the cinematic magic I envisioned. Cue the Mocha masks and Beauty Box rescues.
Lulu, the Golden Wings mascot, decked out for the holidays
The Festival Rollercoaster
Let’s be real: the festival circuit can feel like a rollercoaster. While I celebrated the wins, I also faced a few rejections—from Austin to San Francisco, Oregon, and even the Toronto Queer Film Festival. It stings, no doubt, but each “no” only fuels my determination to keep pushing and polishing every frame until it sparkles (yes, even that scene with questionable lighting).
The Golden Wings documentary logo with a wintry theme
Big News on the Horizon
Well, I’m keeping this one under wraps for now, but let’s just say something exciting is coming our way in March. (I promise you, it’s a game changer—but mum’s the word!) For now, consider this your exclusive, hush-hush sneak peek. Stay tuned, because the coming months might just take us to unexpected, high-flying heights.
With no new festival selections we’ve been snowed in this winter!
Before & After: Lighting to the Rescue
Take a look at this transformation! The original side lighting made it look like Robyn just got off a 14-hour flight from Tokyo. Now, thanks to some Mocha masks magic, she looks 20 years younger—no filters, just proper lighting doing its job. And hey, it's not cheating—this is simply what proper lighting would have naturally achieved. Sometimes, all it takes is the right touch in post to reveal the real beauty behind the lens!
Pre and Post Boris FX Mocha Mosk
Join the Conversation!
Your thoughts and suggestions are what make this journey extra special. I’d love to hear how you’d spice up our creative process or any ideas that help us all grow together. Click below to share your feedback and be part of the Golden Wings crew!
Dont forget to check out our sister blog where I explore my personal journey as a first time director
Heres a link to last blog post about my Grandfather’s Magical Jumbo Jet
https://bit.ly/indiedocjourney
